Are We Communicating or Just Messaging?

On our minds

Sherry Turkle, a social scientist at MIT, has studied the impact of human interactions with computers for decades. In the 2011  book Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less From Each Other, she explores how we are changing in the era of digital communications. We are becoming, to a degree, more emotionally avoidant. Communicating with people face-to-face can be awkward or inconvenient. There’s a forced immediacy that isn’t there when communicating via text or email. In a sense, it takes real courage to have a face-to-face conversation.

Conversation has a natural cadence: a back-and-forth, the occasional pause. There is power in that pause. It allows you to process in the present, while also being present. In conversation, ideas evolve through asking and answering questions. A true conversation requires attention; research has shown that having a phone within view, even face-down on a table, makes us less present and connected. The power of a pregnant pause is easily dispelled if, rather than sitting in that moment, we take it as an opportunity to glance at a device.

For the past 15 years, Turkle has advocated creating boundaries so that we use technology to shape our interactions rather than allowing it to shape our personalities and relationships. In her own words, Alone Together isn’t “an anti-technology; it’s a pro-conversation.”

Conversation doesn’t have to happen face-to-face. It can occur over the phone or in a video chat. You may miss body language via virtual conversations, and body language is important — but it’s also a bit over-hyped. What’s more important is being mindful of our communication bandwidth, so that we stay present in our conversations. Rather than taking an hour to construct the “perfect” response to an email, maybe have a five-minute phone conversation instead. Or, if the phone makes you anxious and an overflowing inbox makes your colleague dreary, what about working out a regular system for in-person or video calls?

We all have expectations and preferences, and within every organization, we have to operate within boundaries. But we all need to be well-informed about these boundaries, and this information needs to be shared in a format that we can absorb. Think of how nerve-wracking driving would be if there weren’t a collective understanding of the “rules of the road.” Think of how stressful it would be if everyone seemed to know the rules but you; if you were just handed the keys to a car and expected to know what to do.

It’s just as stressful to seek workplace accommodations that you feel unable to request, or to be unclear on the "rules of the road" for communicating. April was Autism Awareness Month. What has long been coded as “professional” communication tends to soften criticism with vagueness and to interpret fidgeting or an inability to make eye contact as “rude.” In a recent Instagram post, therapist Kaelynn Partlow wears a shirt that reads “Clarity is kindness.” She reminds us that “autistic folks tend to respond to the exact words that are spoken.”

By 2030, 30% of the workforce will be Gen-Z, and over half of Gen-Z identifies as neurodiverse. A few years ago, PLASTARC wrote about the value of age diversity in organizations, and we’ve long-championed neurodiversity as well. The engineering company Ultranaunts hires many neurodiverse employees and views neurodiversity as a key workforce strength. But the company also values transparency, which is why it encourages employees to create a “how to work with me” manual that details their preferred communication styles, sensory needs, and ideal environment to foster productivity. (We're in!)

Understanding your own personal operating system is critical, so that you are able to advocate for your needs. If colleagues know, per your personal manual, that doodling or fidgeting with a toy helps your auditory processing, they are less likely to read this behavior as uninterested or impolite. If your coworkers know that you need to move around while reading, to stay focused and alert, they won’t interpret you pacing the hall, eyes on your device, as obliviousness. If they know that you have hearing loss, they won’t assume that you’re asking them to repeat something because you weren’t paying attention.

We want to create a work culture that feels safe for everyone and where no one fears repercussions for communicating their needs, whether that need is for more training or an accommodation. Ask your colleagues what they need. Give them the space to respond. Be willing and vulnerable enough to communicate your own needs. Maybe even pitch the idea of everyone making personal manuals. It sounds fun, like the mature version of a mood board!

From the archives

This spring, we’ve been talking about dynamic green rooftops. In fact, every year as the weather warms up, we start to think about playing and working outside. We’ve had clients who conduct walking meetings and have been inspired by materials that take their cues from nature and practices such as soundtracking indoor workspaces with outdoor (forest!) sounds. We hope you’re finding inspiration in work, the outdoors, and in working outdoors this season.

We’ll leave you with this reminder about how to prevent a communication breakdown. Cheers to the gift of gab, etc.!